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Unhealthy Emotions are Fake!

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Any ole pamphlet from the doctor's office, counselors office, (any office really) is bound to have one that says some sensational bull crap that goes a little like "Unhealthy and Healthy Emotions: What You Can Do to Stop Feeling like Trash". You've probably seen so many of them that you don't even bother to read the titles, you can just tell what it is by looking at the front cover. You probably also know which emotions they are talking about (I'm looking at your anger and jealousy!) and for the most part agree with the pamphlets. You also try to avidly avoid those kinds of emotions.

Well, I'm here today to tell you, that you need to stop that right now. All those pamphlets you've been reading since you've started reading are completely wrong. What this mean is you have 10+ years of actual unhealthy habits to unlearn.

All this time you have been treating your emotions like they shouldn't be felt.That you were doing something wrong with your life because you felt this way. It did the opposite of what those pamphlets were trying to do. It gave  you a complex. It made you feel terrible about the way you feel.

I hope I'm not the first to say this to you but I have to let you know that your emotions are valid. Everything you feel, everything you care about, and everything that makes you feel is important. You have a right to feel and react the way you do. It is important to know about your emotions and not feel guilty for feeling them. It helps you understand yourself and your reactions to the world.

This has nothing to do with this post but I just really like this picture! Also this book is good!

Whatever you feel, it's okay. You feel jealous? That's understandable and valid! You're angry? I get that! You feel hate? Envy? Frustration? Shame? Fear? Sadness?  Same?? I too, feel real emotions! The only thing you shouldn't feel shame for is for feeling things people consider to be negative. It's almost soul crushing the way people try and force you to feel certain emotions. It's a censor on your emotional health in a way. It'll cause more bad than good.

Let me tell you a story. My natural resting face is basically a frown or something that others perceive as being 'unhappy'. So I used to have this girl in school , a really nice girl, who use to sing this song that everyone learned back in elementary, whenever she used to see that I was 'unhappy'. It actually used to make me feel worse because one of the lyrics went something like, "Don't feel grumpy, don't you spoil the fun. Don't feel grumpy don't go on and on' (I mean that wasn't her intention and she always used to jokingly sing it! But obviously intention doesn't mean it doesn't affect someone in a negative way). And tbh I felt so bad because even though I wasn't really unhappy (that's just how I look okay?) I felt like I was making other people feel worse. I mean I didn't do anything to mess up other people or prevent them from enjoying themselves, but by god, did I feel worse after that.

What I'm trying to get at is this, that song made me feel bad even when I was feeling fine! It kind of re-enforced in me that if I felt bad, then I made everyone feel . And as a whole, I was just wrong for feeling the way I did. How do you ever bounce back from something like that?

I don't have a magic cure to stop you from putting yourself down because you felt "negative". I have no cure, no solution, or even good advice on how to feel emotions and accept them as they are. I, personally, still feel terrible and criticize myself  when I feel those 'bad' emotions. It happens, not often, but often enough for me to remember that all this is just a learning process. You know, accepting your emotions for what they are is just something you have to learn. You gotta unlearn all the things that people have been telling you. And you have to learn the idea that feeling 'bad' or feeling miserable or feeling any other 'unhealthy' emotion is alright, good even. In the long run, it'll be better for your health and your relationships (romantic, platonic, familial etc).

Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling something negative and I just have to take a second to tell myself, "everything you feel is valid. Everyone you experience is good. It's okay to feel." And sometimes, that makes things alright. Sometimes it doesn't, but it sure beats telling myself that I'm a bad person for feeling the way I do. So maybe, the next time you feel the creepy guilt for feeling bad, just take a second and tell yourself that it's okay to feel.  Remind yourself that the way you feel is okay and that there's nothing wrong with you. Because there isn't. You're just fine, ad so are you feelings.

What about y'all? Have you gotten tired of hearing the healthy vs unhealthy emotion discourse? How do y'all deal with "bad" emotions?

Cultural Apropriation by Marc Jacobs

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(from the Creators of Marc Jacobs for the brand Marc Jacobs which is in collaboration with Marc Jacobs of Marc Jacobs, for the collection M.A.R.C Jacobs by Marc Jacobs)

So I usually don't post on weekdays and leave my blogging schedule for Sundays only, but I just had to talk about a significant event seen at Fashion Week. This Fashion Week we saw lots of stuff. Some goods stuff rolled out during Fashion Week , some interesting and conceptual stuff and some...terrible stuff. Oh no, not terrible as in the fashion was bad, I meant the terrible stuff as in the fact that Marc Jacobs basically put dreadlocks on his mainly all white model group and pretended like there was some connection between the cultural appropriation of dreadlocks and the fact that black women straighten their hair.
Mendel did not study these peas....
A mess, but not one I haven't seen before. This is old talk, but yet, it seems that Marc Jacobs thinks this is something new. Please! Cultural appropriation is one of the most heavily talked about topics in socially minded circles. The appropriation of black hairstyles is nothing new and neither is his response. Whenever outrage is expressed at the appropriation of black hairstyles, people time and time again, try to create a false equivalency between black hairstyles worn by non-black people and the fact that black people (women specifically) straighten their hair.

A point, that was ignorantly made by Marc Jacobs once he faced serious backlash for deciding that his white models would wear dreadlocks. As with many modern makeup trends, fashion trends, and of course hair trends, it has been taken from people of color and put on a white body. The repercussions of the use of black hairstyles on white models is this: You are essentially telling black people, that your hair is beautiful and it's creative and artsy EXCEPT when it's on your own body.  I mean if we liked it on your body we would have hired/showcased/bought attention to you, now wouldn't we? *condescending smile*.

Quick Interlude:  The Hairstylist for Marc Jacob's show Guido Palau even said: "The interesting thing about Marc is how he takes something so street and so raw, and because of the coloration of the hair and the makeup, it becomes a total look". "Something that we've bypassed on the street and not really looked at, or seen a million times, he makes us look at it again in a much more sophisticated and fashionable way. (Harper's Bazar, How Will the Internet React to Marc Jacobs' Rainbow Dreadlocks?). This whole statement is side-eye worthy.

Back on track, the simple fact is that things on black people are only seen as artsy and creative and beautiful when it's on a white (eurocentric-beauty-standards-conforming) body.  Marc Jacobs had the damn audacity to do two things which really put an itch under my skin. Not only did he say he was colorblind but he mentioned women of color (we all knew he meant black women) straightening their hair and how that should equally be  called cultural appropriation.

First off! Black women have only straightened their hair in order to assimilate to white spaces. We had to straighten our hair just so that we could be more readily accepted into white spaces and so that we can properly navigate through society in a way that would benefit our survival. We couldn't wear natural styles (and still can't, to a degree) because it is deemed unkempt, dirty , unprofessional and there's a high chance that black people wouldn't get employed because of their hair.  Marc Jacobs also neglected to realize the fact that women of color (including yes! Black women) can be born with straight hair.

Second Off! While being a white man with a ton of privilege, Marc Jacobs, mentioned that he is colorblind. Being colorblind (the act of not seeing race) is actually terrible. I get that people want to see people for who they are but in doing so you miss the point. If you are colorblind then you cannot see  the discrimination that POC face on a day to day basis. It's impossible for you to see that my race is the reason I get followed around in stores. The simple fact is that the moment you take something with cultural significance/importance then you have a problem on your hands. There's a thin line between appreciation, inspiration, and appropriation. Marc Jacobs completely ignored all those lines and firmly planted himself in the Appropriation section.

Black Women? Colorful Dreadlocks? Yo..I gotta tell someone about this...

He added insult to injury by utilizing a white Etsy shop owner in order to create this look, when he literally could have gone to any black hairstylist who specializes in dreadlocks, who could have created the same thing, in a way that wasn't a distasteful representation of dreadlocks. He isn't even the first celebrity to face public backlash for this. You would think he would have heard the word on this at least once before coming to this decision, but I guess he didn't. And more to the matter is that he didn't care to properly listen to the people who were telling him what he did wrong. It just seems that he doesn't care at all.

Edit: So Marc Jacobs has 'apologized' for his lack of sensitivity regarding this whole issue but here is the thing, I don't see it as an apology. And it's not because I don't think that he hasn't read people's comments. I think it's more like damage control and how to get the comments to stop. He states that he believes in the freedom to expresses oneself, however, they want (which is fair!) but not once does he sincerely state that he realizes what he did was wrong. He really doesn't apologize for the original offense of putting white models in dreadlocks or the major offense of comparing the assimilation of black women via hair to cultural appropriation. I read it as a way to placate the 'overtly and extremely angry black people' who are genuinely upset by the fact that yet again something that holds such significance in our community, (not even going into the very spiritual importance of dreadlocks to Rastafarian culture/beliefs) is being used for fashion without our faces behind it. He states that he does not discriminate and that nothing is gained from spreading hate. This is where I really feel that he doesn't care about cultural appropriation, but rather cares about him being seen as a 'bad man'. He'd rather focus on what makes him a good guy and focus on spreading "not hate" than actually taking what people said to heart, and learning from us. I mean, he didn't even take the time to issue a proper apology or at least attempt one.

If you want to learn more about black people and assimilating through hair, this is a good post by Tumblr user Thatadult on Black Hair and why black people are forced to straighten their hair.

Anyway, what was your take on the Marc Jacobs Runway debacle? What was your favorite thing from NYFW? (Mine was the great street wear I saw and I love Eckhaus Latta's looks)  Whose looks were you surprised by, whose looks disappointed you, which designer pulled a fashion faux pas and stole/profited off of a style/look that could be found in another culture?  Give me a shout in the comments!

What the Fall?

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Where do makeup/beauty aficionados go when they have sins that need absolving? Where ever and whomever y'all go to, sign me up because I need to go there. I have a confession and *sobs* it's a big one. I, Zaire Q, of the Hey Zaire blog, is a beauty sinner. My confession is that I don't differentiate between winter, summer, fall, or spring makeup.

Maybe I over-dramatized my situation just a bit (a lot) but, in my defense seasonal makeup (specifically winter makeup) is a huge thing within the makeup world! Lots of companies, bloggers, makeup aficionados, and other people talk about seasonal makeup. Lots of  them work hard to feature seasonal looks and lots of people get excited for when brands put out seasonal makeup. A lot goes into seasonal makeup! Tons of brands put out new collections in order to make it in time for summer/winter to change. Some brands release new colors in order to fit in with the trends in seasonally appropriate colors. I mean I think a lot of money,time and effort does go into creating the perfect winter/spring/etc color and look. So in my opinion, if an industry and those that engage with that industry put a lot of work, money and effort into something then it's a big deal.

I struggle with flat lays and taking pictures.

I mean, some would say it doesn't take much to excite bloggers  but I have never seen anything get bloggers excited like the way seasonal makeup does. In all my 3 or 4 years of reading makeup blogs, there are tons of bloggers that really pull out all the stops for seasonal makeup.

Y'all are by far some of the most patient and dedicated to-your-craft kind of people out there. You wait all year till you can wear your favorite color(s) and you don't even cheat once! Some of my favorite posts are ones where bloggers mention that  it's almost a certain season and that they are ready to rock their favorite colors. You can basically feel the excitement pouring out of their blogs.

I appreciate this! But, like math, time and some other human concepts, it personally doesn't mean much to me. Actually, I lie, math is important to me (I'm a science major) but not because I want it to be. But I digress! Instead of doing makeup seasonally, I wear whatever I want, whenever I want. Whatever I'm feeling dictates what colors I wear.

Obviously, it's not a revolutionary concept by any means and I only wanted to talk about it or have a discussion because I've read posts about transition/seasonal makeup.  That kind of idea has always been interesting to me and I have tried to do that once or twice before but I've never really stuck with it. I mean I would love to stick to a certain seasonal color scheme but it's in my nature to be very fickle about things.

Though tomorrow I definitely think I will be stunting in a really pretty plum/berry toned lip pencil from e.l.f, I think my winter look will totally feature super shiny/ highlighter saturated skin and probably lots of vivid pink. Basically I'm a season behind everyone else and doing this past summer's prominent looks during the winter. It'll be fun though! My highlighter will be so pale and bright, you'd think it was snow, with the way I'm reflecting light.

You can't see me now but I"m giving you that face you make when you say a really good pun. Yeah this face (it's a picture of a dog).

What do y'all think? Do y'all do seasonal looks? If so, why? If not, why? What's your winter 2016 look going to be?

What's the Stitch? ❤ Crash Course College #1

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I'm a freshman in college and I thought a little college advice series would be great. I'd learn things, make huge and embarrassing mistakes, write about them and show you all what not to do. I mean, if I can help people avoid looking like a major dork, then it would be worth it. Also, I thought that if y'all laughed at me in the process, it wouldn't be too bad either. I need all the help with humor I can get.

Packing clothes for college can be a scary and almost overwhelming thing to consider. Do you take the cute leather legging you've worn only once or do you bring that shirt you know you can't fit into but think you'd look great in if you did?  Here's a handy guide for helping you narrow down your closest! It's got a few tips, tricks and things to keep in mind when you're packing your bag.

I literally spent 5 minutes arranging my closet making sure it looked alright

 Matchy Matchy

Try and pack clothes that go together. I mean they don't have to match, but they should look nice together. My saving grace this past month of college is my closet. I've been so lucky that my closet somewhat goes together, since some mornings I just pull on whatever is the least wrinkled. It's a basic, black,white and grey wardrobe and honestly, I can't go wrong with whatever I pull out. If you know you can wear tons of tops with one pair of bottoms, then my god! Pack those tops and that one pair of pants! You will thank yourself when you have an 8 am class and you didn't have time to get breakfast let alone find something decent to wear.

4 Pairs and Maybe a Spare

You only  need like 4 pairs of shoes when you go school. No, trust me, only four pairs of shoes are needed at one time. Basically, you need a pair of sneakers, a pair of boots, sandals, and maybe something more dressy. And if you're really savvy or are looking to save up a ton of space, your shoes will generally look good with the majority of your closet. Since my closet is mostly monochrome, I have mostly black shoes. And trust me, as someone who brought more than 4 pairs of shoes, I really don't wear them all. They just take up closet space and unless I go shopping  for new clothes, I won't wear the extra two pairs I brought with me.

Comfort Clothing

Only bring clothes that you feel comfortable in. Like yeah, those pum-pum shorts make your legs and butt look super good but you don't feel comfortable showing all that skin. So why bring them? If you don't feel comfortable wearing those clothes and having people see you in them, then don't bring them. There are too many stressful things in college already, feeling uncomfy in your clothes, should not be adding to your stress levels.

Switch it Up!

If high school is good for finding yourself, college is good for developing yourself. I mean you think you know who you are in high school but you really find that out in college, and the same goes for your clothing. You may have a style or you may not. And while it's good to stay within your comfort zone, it's also nice to try something different. College is such a good time to experiment with style, that you should jump at the chance to. The best way to do this is by buying something that is somewhat in your comfort zone. Case in point, I own a dress. I mean if you know me, then you know I'm a jeans and leggings kinda kid but lo and behold, I saw my dress in Rainbow and had to have it.  It's black, and quite plain but it's comfy, and it's not something I would have bought at home. I picked a type of clothing I wouldn't normally wear, but got it in a fabric and color I know looks good on me.


What are your go-to tips for picking out clothes to bring with you to college? Do you wish you hadn't bought something?