Unhealthy Emotions are Fake!

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Any ole pamphlet from the doctor's office, counselors office, (any office really) is bound to have one that says some sensational bull crap that goes a little like "Unhealthy and Healthy Emotions: What You Can Do to Stop Feeling like Trash". You've probably seen so many of them that you don't even bother to read the titles, you can just tell what it is by looking at the front cover. You probably also know which emotions they are talking about (I'm looking at your anger and jealousy!) and for the most part agree with the pamphlets. You also try to avidly avoid those kinds of emotions.

Well, I'm here today to tell you, that you need to stop that right now. All those pamphlets you've been reading since you've started reading are completely wrong. What this mean is you have 10+ years of actual unhealthy habits to unlearn.

All this time you have been treating your emotions like they shouldn't be felt.That you were doing something wrong with your life because you felt this way. It did the opposite of what those pamphlets were trying to do. It gave  you a complex. It made you feel terrible about the way you feel.

I hope I'm not the first to say this to you but I have to let you know that your emotions are valid. Everything you feel, everything you care about, and everything that makes you feel is important. You have a right to feel and react the way you do. It is important to know about your emotions and not feel guilty for feeling them. It helps you understand yourself and your reactions to the world.

This has nothing to do with this post but I just really like this picture! Also this book is good!

Whatever you feel, it's okay. You feel jealous? That's understandable and valid! You're angry? I get that! You feel hate? Envy? Frustration? Shame? Fear? Sadness?  Same?? I too, feel real emotions! The only thing you shouldn't feel shame for is for feeling things people consider to be negative. It's almost soul crushing the way people try and force you to feel certain emotions. It's a censor on your emotional health in a way. It'll cause more bad than good.

Let me tell you a story. My natural resting face is basically a frown or something that others perceive as being 'unhappy'. So I used to have this girl in school , a really nice girl, who use to sing this song that everyone learned back in elementary, whenever she used to see that I was 'unhappy'. It actually used to make me feel worse because one of the lyrics went something like, "Don't feel grumpy, don't you spoil the fun. Don't feel grumpy don't go on and on' (I mean that wasn't her intention and she always used to jokingly sing it! But obviously intention doesn't mean it doesn't affect someone in a negative way). And tbh I felt so bad because even though I wasn't really unhappy (that's just how I look okay?) I felt like I was making other people feel worse. I mean I didn't do anything to mess up other people or prevent them from enjoying themselves, but by god, did I feel worse after that.

What I'm trying to get at is this, that song made me feel bad even when I was feeling fine! It kind of re-enforced in me that if I felt bad, then I made everyone feel . And as a whole, I was just wrong for feeling the way I did. How do you ever bounce back from something like that?

I don't have a magic cure to stop you from putting yourself down because you felt "negative". I have no cure, no solution, or even good advice on how to feel emotions and accept them as they are. I, personally, still feel terrible and criticize myself  when I feel those 'bad' emotions. It happens, not often, but often enough for me to remember that all this is just a learning process. You know, accepting your emotions for what they are is just something you have to learn. You gotta unlearn all the things that people have been telling you. And you have to learn the idea that feeling 'bad' or feeling miserable or feeling any other 'unhealthy' emotion is alright, good even. In the long run, it'll be better for your health and your relationships (romantic, platonic, familial etc).

Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling something negative and I just have to take a second to tell myself, "everything you feel is valid. Everyone you experience is good. It's okay to feel." And sometimes, that makes things alright. Sometimes it doesn't, but it sure beats telling myself that I'm a bad person for feeling the way I do. So maybe, the next time you feel the creepy guilt for feeling bad, just take a second and tell yourself that it's okay to feel.  Remind yourself that the way you feel is okay and that there's nothing wrong with you. Because there isn't. You're just fine, ad so are you feelings.

What about y'all? Have you gotten tired of hearing the healthy vs unhealthy emotion discourse? How do y'all deal with "bad" emotions?

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